I'm having a day today. Just a quiet day. I don't really want to exit my world of thoughts and contemplations. I want to lay on the floor and listen to sufjan and cry out to God asking him all the hard questions I'm tired of him asking me. Unfortunately I have to read art history instead of doing any of that.
I had counseling this last friday... (here is my attempt to talk about events-for you). After going through events from elementary up to college; a woman I don't even know looked at me with much distress showing in the lines of her face and asked "where were all the adults in your life to take care of you?" I had no response. I probably said "I don't know"- because I don't. So I went home. You would think a weekend of fun and friends and family and cute boys and concerts and first kisses would make me feel so awesome and amazing- but it doesn't.
I'm sad and I feel cheated.
I want family and stability. I made the sad mistake of looking at a friends facebook from some family reunion in texas. Her famly is big, her parents are in love, she is engaged, her 2 sisters are her best friends. At her reunion her extended family were hugging and taking silly photos together with reminiscent captions posted underneath. Then they all played a game of softball. I hate softball, but I would play for days if I had family like that.
I'm looking forward to Nash. I'm looking forward to being with the girls. I want to watch 'friends' in our p.j.s and lay on the floor listening to sufjan while someone is doing something creative and we're all discussing dreams and aspirations we secretly think about and in our love we can recognize and appreciate our creator.