Well... I'm an adult. Sunday is my birthday and I'm going to be twenty. Holy crap, twenty. I'm no longer a teenager. Now if you would have talked to me 3 years ago, I could NOT wait until my 20th or even more for my 21st birthday. But now it's here... and I'm at college... and I'm sad.
I sat at a table in McConn today, (the coffee shop at IWU) and looked around thinking of what a lot of these kids here have gone through. Some are transfers like me, some have been here all 4 years, some have lived in Marion their whole lives. What are their stories? Sometimes I wish I could ask every person I meet what their story is... but I can't. But back to the point... I just had this overwhelming feeling of lonliness. Junior year is NOT a good year to transfer into a school. Best friends, although I rarley have any, are very hard to make at this point in time. Everyone is too busy with their majors to hang out and talk all night. It's just not practical most of the time. People are getting engaged, getting married, graduating, moving, or all of those! And then there's me just stuck in the middle of it all. Wanting these friendships that just don't seem possible.
I never thought I'd say it, but I miss Grand Rapids SO much. Especially grandville and grand haven. I miss my church, I miss being able to listen to Rob Bell any sunday I wanted to, I miss running in the morning with Jenn, I miss jumping on the tramp with Kaitlyn and Carson, I miss my mom and dad and my dogs! It's like being in Bosnia all over again, except everyone is so close, but just barley out of reach. Everyone is just a phone call away but I suck at maintaining relationships so do I call? of course not. Do I write? nope. I just get lonley.
So I sit here today and look at my life and ask myself what I've done with my life. What HAVE I done with my life? And why the heck am I in Indiana when everyone I love is in west michigan?! (except Josh, but he loves michigan too.) Ugh. I hate birthdays.
9.27.2006
9.20.2006
Big sister
Well It's been a very very long time since I've updated. I'm @ IWU. Indiana Wesleyan. I'm in my 3rd week of school and even though I have homework EVERY day of the week... I'm really loving it here. Today is really just an amazing day because I'm officially a Big sister!! I know what you're thinking and no my mom did not have another kid, I am a mentor for the big sister little sister organization! My housemate KC is a big sister and her little sister's little sister (haha) Aliah needed a mentor. These past few weeks I've had this burning desire to DO SOMETHING and get involved somewhere and God gave me the oppotrinity to meet with Aliah. She is SO adorable and outgoing and so great. Me and KC are going to meet with the girls at the same time since I don't have a car. Tonight we went out for dinner and came back to our place where the girls attemtped to teach us how to dance. Yes... they have rhythm. NO... we do not!!
This is aliah (or Leah)
I got to see Josh this past weekend too. That was really a privelege. It's so hard being long distance because were are in completely different worlds. We were praying about our relationship for a few days mainly because I was worried we were doing something wrong, but God has totally shown me how strong and amazing Josh is in the past week. I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day about this book "Irresistable Revolution" that really just lit this fire in me for the urban population and the poor and less fortunate all over the world, not just foreign countries. So I'm talking about this book and the response I got was one of apathy, not really caring about this group of people and I was so appauled that this friend didn't feel ANYTHING from the stories I was telling him from this book. I walked away from that conversation thinking, if that were Josh he would have been so excited about that. It showed me how parallel our visions are, they aren't really exact but they are in the same area and most of all, moving in the same direction to glorify the Lord.
So to sum all of that up I feel a lot more concrete about my life with Josh. Although, I STILL hate the fact that we are long distance. I really hate it.
On another note. I really miss home today :( I just want to see my family and my dog! I really miss the VanHekkens too. Tonight when me and KC dropped off Leah and her sister Val we saw their little neice who is 2 and she is SO cute and it made me miss Carson and Kaitlyn a ton. It's so strange for me to go from a family setting to a college life setting. I'm really wired for the family setting, I just love everything about it.
On the left is Jaimee, Jess, ME then on the Right it's Chris, Missy and Jake against the wall.
We went out to dinner at some mexican restauant on this pic. It was pretty fun, I got a plate of refried beans.
I have my FIRST photo project due tomorrow. 3 photos mounted and matted. Agh. I have them printed but not mounted yet. I'm kinda freaking out because I was supposed to do it tonight but the guy in my class and I played phone tag all night so we never got together. So wish my luck on that.
I'm really happy I made the decision to come to IWU. It's really been a difficult transition, but I have seen God in a million places here and I'm really searching out to see Him more and more. Even though this is a christian campus, there are a lot of dead hearts here and if I don't seek out the recourses I have, I could loose the fire too and that's the last thing I want to happen. (I have to get something more than a piece of paper for my money!!) So please just pray that I would be seeking Him daily and that I would be strong in His word and in prayer!
This is aliah (or Leah)
I got to see Josh this past weekend too. That was really a privelege. It's so hard being long distance because were are in completely different worlds. We were praying about our relationship for a few days mainly because I was worried we were doing something wrong, but God has totally shown me how strong and amazing Josh is in the past week. I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day about this book "Irresistable Revolution" that really just lit this fire in me for the urban population and the poor and less fortunate all over the world, not just foreign countries. So I'm talking about this book and the response I got was one of apathy, not really caring about this group of people and I was so appauled that this friend didn't feel ANYTHING from the stories I was telling him from this book. I walked away from that conversation thinking, if that were Josh he would have been so excited about that. It showed me how parallel our visions are, they aren't really exact but they are in the same area and most of all, moving in the same direction to glorify the Lord.
So to sum all of that up I feel a lot more concrete about my life with Josh. Although, I STILL hate the fact that we are long distance. I really hate it.
On another note. I really miss home today :( I just want to see my family and my dog! I really miss the VanHekkens too. Tonight when me and KC dropped off Leah and her sister Val we saw their little neice who is 2 and she is SO cute and it made me miss Carson and Kaitlyn a ton. It's so strange for me to go from a family setting to a college life setting. I'm really wired for the family setting, I just love everything about it.
On the left is Jaimee, Jess, ME then on the Right it's Chris, Missy and Jake against the wall.
We went out to dinner at some mexican restauant on this pic. It was pretty fun, I got a plate of refried beans.
I have my FIRST photo project due tomorrow. 3 photos mounted and matted. Agh. I have them printed but not mounted yet. I'm kinda freaking out because I was supposed to do it tonight but the guy in my class and I played phone tag all night so we never got together. So wish my luck on that.
I'm really happy I made the decision to come to IWU. It's really been a difficult transition, but I have seen God in a million places here and I'm really searching out to see Him more and more. Even though this is a christian campus, there are a lot of dead hearts here and if I don't seek out the recourses I have, I could loose the fire too and that's the last thing I want to happen. (I have to get something more than a piece of paper for my money!!) So please just pray that I would be seeking Him daily and that I would be strong in His word and in prayer!
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