Well... I'm an adult. Sunday is my birthday and I'm going to be twenty. Holy crap, twenty. I'm no longer a teenager. Now if you would have talked to me 3 years ago, I could NOT wait until my 20th or even more for my 21st birthday. But now it's here... and I'm at college... and I'm sad.
I sat at a table in McConn today, (the coffee shop at IWU) and looked around thinking of what a lot of these kids here have gone through. Some are transfers like me, some have been here all 4 years, some have lived in Marion their whole lives. What are their stories? Sometimes I wish I could ask every person I meet what their story is... but I can't. But back to the point... I just had this overwhelming feeling of lonliness. Junior year is NOT a good year to transfer into a school. Best friends, although I rarley have any, are very hard to make at this point in time. Everyone is too busy with their majors to hang out and talk all night. It's just not practical most of the time. People are getting engaged, getting married, graduating, moving, or all of those! And then there's me just stuck in the middle of it all. Wanting these friendships that just don't seem possible.
I never thought I'd say it, but I miss Grand Rapids SO much. Especially grandville and grand haven. I miss my church, I miss being able to listen to Rob Bell any sunday I wanted to, I miss running in the morning with Jenn, I miss jumping on the tramp with Kaitlyn and Carson, I miss my mom and dad and my dogs! It's like being in Bosnia all over again, except everyone is so close, but just barley out of reach. Everyone is just a phone call away but I suck at maintaining relationships so do I call? of course not. Do I write? nope. I just get lonley.
So I sit here today and look at my life and ask myself what I've done with my life. What HAVE I done with my life? And why the heck am I in Indiana when everyone I love is in west michigan?! (except Josh, but he loves michigan too.) Ugh. I hate birthdays.