I met someone. Someone I go to school with, and know of. But have never met before last week and do not know.
I am wary of him. He says he wants to know me. Says he will not miss out on this opportunity to know me. Says he is very excited about this. That I am a keeper. He wants me to go to a wedding with him. He told his sister about me. He tells me that I am beautiful, and sends me silly texts.
He is dangerous. Because he does not know me. And I am afraid he does not want to know me. But he knows what to say. And I want to give him the benefit of the doubt... he is making a large effort [or so it seems] that if all he wanted was attention, being who he is, he could [and is] getting it from a lot of other girls.
From what I wrote the other day... to have someone look me in the eye and say they will not let an opportunity to get to know me pass... speaks volumes. Words are precious. I am easily affected by things people say. Especially when there are already open wounds in my heart, that they are speaking healing words to [weather intentional or not].
I do not know this boy well. We drove around for awhile tonight, which forced us to talk, and it was awesome because I saw some of his true heart. He opened up about some of his fears, some of his goals, how other people see him, where his heart is at. He was quiet for awhile, said he was better at listening... then he just started opening up and the conversation flowed.
I like him. He has a strange hook that I can't put my finger on, but something about him has me. I think he knows that. But I'm not sold on it. He already asked me when we were going to start telling people about us. There is no us to tell about yet. We are just hanging out. What is the hurry? I expressed my fear of his question and the response was that I should not worry about what others think. That this situation is between him and I and we are the only ones that matter. He followed that with saying he wanted to tell everyone he knew about me.
Beginning to see something? A man speaking affirmation into a girl's soul. One who has a problem feeling good enough for someone. He says is that I am good enough, that I am beautiful enough, that I am worth it. And on the outside, I buy every word of it. But on the inside... it does not sit well. And it hurts. It hurts in too many ways to count.
I have heard of ways he treats girls from various people, one being a girl I am friends with and respect. Since I do not know him, and I don't really ever see him, I don't have a personal opinion on how he interacts with girls. But I should heed all warnings. Joel told me I could do better. I respect Joel's advice a lot.
Basically I just do not know what to do. Get to know him? Run away? I do not want to hurt him, I do not want to question his feelings, he has been hurt bad by girls in the past just as i have been hurt bad by guys... so of course I connect and I empathize and I want to encourage him... This could turn out to be something really good or this could turn out to be something very bad and very painful.
God take his place. Do not let me believe what he tells me. Only let me believe Your Truths. The things he says are true, but are not from his heart. He is right in saying that I am worth it, saying that I am special, but let me have discernment, Lord. Fill me. Be all I need.
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