World Civ today, we are learning about the rise of the modern mind, romanticism, free expression, everything in revolt of the enlightenment.
Smith is discussing the characteristics of the mind of the romantic. Emotion over intellect, Emphasis on personal feelings and free expression, valuing what is beneath; the depth of ourselves, love for adventure, etc. All of these things he is going through I'm agreeing in my mind like... yea, this is me. This is totally me. I'm a romantic, and not just in the "i love love" sappy way.
We get to some of the people of the romanticism era. Thoreau, Emerson, Hugo, Wolfgang, Beethoven. Smith gets onto the subject of how, even in all of his intelligence, how crazy of a person Beethoven was. How he was SUCH a romantic, that he was the subject of a quote (by who... I do not remember, of course). The quote says, and this is not exact, that the romantic spirit is fickle. It is in love only with feelings evoked by another while in love. Never with that person. Apparently Beethoven lived a life full of love, but not one love. Many loves. He loved the newness of love. The feelings evoked by that budding relationship, that honeymoon period. And he kept chasing after that.
Is this me? Is this how I love? Am I in love with being in love?
I really do enjoy getting to know people. It's exciting. It's different. It's fun. It's challenging. But how long do I stick around after I know them? I have always had friends in and out of my life so I can't even say that I am loyally in love with my friends. I only have a few people from my past that I am still close with, but it is almost that superficial close now, where we just say we are best buds. But really... we know nothing of who we are now. We live out of who we knew eachother to be in the past.
I don't know how to prove this fear right or wrong. But I am worried that I will never be able to commit. That I am always looking for the next adventure and the next thrill and I just cannot stop and relish and enjoy what I have.
I have a hard time being content.
I hope I am not doomed with a fickle heart.