stay or leave I want you not to go....

There's this dave song called "stay or leave". It's amazing. and sad. but still good.
The thing about it is the first time I heard it I was in the car with Josh. Josh loves dave matthews. He loves them and I loved it that he loved them. It was like his thing. it was cute. He could play almost any dave song on the guitar for you.
So we're driving, because we love to drive, and we're listening to this song for my first time.
I started to feel like this song was going to come back to haunt me some day.

low and behold female intuition is correct again. That song described many situations between josh and I. The 1st break up after Croatia, noveber 5th last year when I asked him to take me back, him deciding to move to Chicago, me deciding to move to Bosnia, me deciding to go to IWU, him deciding to stay in chicago. Us deciding to call it quits for the final time.

So now I can't really listen to that song without hating it. "I want you not to go, but you should". story of my life. Everyone loves to leave.


Content. What?

Today i talked to my friend Amanda. She said something that perfectly fit the entire situation I feel that I'm in right now.
She said "I'm getting married. I'm going to live here and be a mom. I don't have a degree, I don't want to work. I'm going to be here forever and that's okay because that's what I want."
She is where she needs to be. Where am I? I am somewhere, and it's not necessarily where I want to be, but is it where God wants me to be?
I have it stuck in my head that I am getting out of here. But the more I want out, the more I feel like I cannot leave. I need to surrender my life to God before I can just get up and desert all of this.
I am not content.